Journal
by MP3228
Summary: Suzaku keeps journal of his life. Mostly centers around his new friends, specifically Lelouch. It's the untold stories behind the story. Must warn you, first two chapters are SHOTA.
1. Chapter 1: Sight

Journal Entry #7

_It has been a few months now, here with my Britannian' friends' in Japan… Or as Britannian's would say, Area 11. _

_So far, Lelouch is easily living up to the snobbish expectations I set in my mind for him. Nunnally, on the other hand, is kind-hearted and sweet. I really wish I could talk to her more only that, Lelouch won't let me-_

" Are you writing in your dairy again?" Lelouch asked with a condescending tone.

"It is A JOURNAL!" Suzaku snapped,

"Ha, whatever." Lelouch back hand waved, nonchalantly as he walked away.

_Father let our political hostages stay in the basement, that's not really a basement. It is underground nonetheless. It is more of a western styled home, something they should be used to. _

_Sayoko comes over on the week nights to do laundry, cook, and clean… She's really cute for a 15 year old. For some reason though Lelouch's acts snobbish to me, he treats Sayoko with compassion and gentleness even though she is an Eleven as I am._

_Maybe there is hope._

_I haven't been bullying him much lately, probably because his personality has done a one-twenty. Not the complete one-eighty but he's almost there. _

…_The other day… I witnessed something that I probably shouldn't have…. That's when things began to change._

Suzaku's legs sprinted with youthfulness through the morning dew. It was 6 a.m. Todoh-Sensei made a major mistake. He was proven wrong thinking he could handle training with his pupil while harboring a flu virus in his being. Therefore, practice was cancelled early. Really early.

Suzaku sprinted home thinking in the back of his mind, "I better go before he changes his mind."

He finally arrived after tripping over air multiple times, ragged breathing, and dark, fog-covered sky.

Quietly, Suzaku unlocked the front door and snuck in. He stealthily checked every room for signs of life.

Nothing.

He jolted to the stairs that lead to the basement. Suzaku came across the door that separated him from his friends, and slowed once he put his hand on the silver plated knob. Times like that, it was so quiet his heart beat was louder than the infamous pen drop. Nonetheless, he proceeds. It was the only thing standing in his way. Suzaku turned the knob, and silently entered the guest house.

First and foremost, he tiptoed to the kitchen. Nothing but the still silence greeted him. Not a soul was in the living room.

He headed to Nunnaly's room where he found the princess in slumber. Trying not to disturb her, he quietly left.

Next, their restroom.

The cup that contained each Lelouch and Nunnaly's toothbrush was emptied and replace with cold water by the hands of the Eleven.

'_You may not know it but this… is going in your face."_ He faintly giggled with an excited nervousness. _"Serves him right for… for… whatever he might do in the future."_ How malevolent Suzaku felt and he slid to Lelouch's room. As he arrived, though, the light was on.

"_Kuso!"_ He thought. _"Oh well, I can still sneak up on him."_

Suzaku noiselessly cracked the door maybe half an inch. Everything was so damned quiet! If only there was some natural distraction. But there wasn't so Suzaku dealt.

Just a bit further and he achieved a full inch of spying material. Besides for the dresser he looked for anything that could aid him in his mission.

Trashcan, no.

Pencil, no.

A inch and half later is when he realized the mirror on top of the dresser. He focused with all the unused focus he had left over from the cancelled Kendo practice.

'_Must be\ busy if opening the door this wide is so easy.'_

He caught sight of Lelouch's figure; however what he saw wasn't the sleeping prince. Nor was the studios prince, head buried in a book. What he saw _frightened_ him. What he saw almost forced the cup out of his hand.

Somehow, he could see all of it.

All of his friends pale frame seated in the office chair facing opposite of the door. Lelouch's supple lips, rosy-red cheeks and half lidded eyes. _Naked_ from the waist down.

He could see where Lelouch was touching- _what_ Lelouch was touching.

His heart beat louder and faster than of what the 10 minutes of continuous running produced. However, instead of his heartbeat being the loudest sound, his senses became aware of his friends laborious breathing and noisy, rustling fabrics.

Suzaku was utterly disgusted from the pits of his stomach.

It was his friend, doing something as perverted as _this. _As he thought he could feel the butterflies flutter uncomfortably in his stomach.

But for some reason, instead of turning away like his first mind warned him, he watched. He watched as Lelouch steadfastly masturbated himself.

Lelouch was so non-human like that Suzaku didn't even give a second thought the prince could feel emotions… or even pleasure. All that was there was love for his crippled sister and anger towards his country. So it shocked Suzaku to his core. Maybe, for once, if Lelouch showed some signs of humanity, the occurrence wouldn't have piqued Suzaku's curiosity so immensely.

Lelouch didn't moan or whimper. His operations were very discreet although his breathing was at an obvious whisper level. Lelouch watched himself perform. He fisted himself slowly as if to soak in every sensation. His chest heaved. And his face-

-His face was nothing like Suzaku has ever seen, or anyone at that. '_How can he make a face like that?' _How is it possible?

The butterflies of disgust turned into butterflies of curiosity as he spied. He wasn't more so concerned that Lelouch was pleasuring himself but rather, the way Lelouch _looked _when he pleasured himself and the barely audible noises that Lelouch made.

Somewhere within the second thirty seconds, Suzaku's lips parted. He lost himself, intoxicated by the Lelouch's sexuality. He found himself breathing rhythmically with his friend.

As soon as he caught himself doing so he abruptly stopped for he was concerned that it was strange to be doing the same things as Lelouch.

Lelouch's pace was speeding up now. Suzaku subconsciously processed it as the foreshadowing to a big event.

Lelouch threw his head back and let out a restained gasp as he simultaneously continued his ministrations. His threw his left arm, of which he had no use for, over his face to keep himself hidden… or perhaps to muffle his uprising.

Suzaku couldn't get any closer the door than he already was. His one eye stared through the peep hole into the mirror with great anticipation. He felt jolts of energy to his privates occasionally. But his uneasy mind kept the jolts from being continuous. He looked away out of shame but looked back out of nosiness. He placed his hand flat on his private area to keep from any unwanted unexpectancies. But it only proved to help the cause. He abruptly turned away and shut his eyes tightly. It was so _wrong_. Suzaku couldn't withstand not knowing for too long. Lelouch somehow released an addicting poising that coursed through the Elevens veins. And Suzaku cursed himself repeatedly.

As soon as he glanced back to the mirror which showed Lelouch then, right then, only did the prince release the most vile, most abominable, the strangest, most beautiful sound Suzaku had ever heard. So beautiful, that Suzaku almost mimicked it subconsciously.

A faint, high-pitched whimper escaped those royal lips. A clear fluid oozed out of his friends privates. Suzaku was snapped back to reality and struck with pure fear. His nether regions had become stiff before, like Lelouch's, but never once when he touched himself had it ever released that watery looking substance.

He silently as possible ran away to the front door. Once on the other side, he paused with his back to door. With wide eyes, he breathed heavily as he contemplated all that he witnessed.

A minute or two went by and he audibly opened the door.

Lelouch almost instantly peeked his head from around the corner. Suzaku's heart pounded fearing that he didn't give Lelouch enough to fix himself up. But then Lelouch's entire body emerged from around the corner, fully dressed, intact as if nothing had happened.

"You're back early."

"Umm… yeah Todoh-sensei was sick. So he let me come home." A slight silence. "You're up early." Suzaku said pondering what lie Lelouch might have in store.

"I always wake up around this time."

"Really?"

"Yes. You never notice because you always either go to kendo practice or sleepy from the ridiculous amount of energy you released a day before." Lelouch chuckled.

Lelouch was nicer now.

Suzaku concluded with an awkward, "Haha, I guess you're right."

The boys went on about their day normally.

_When he said he wakes up every morning that time, it assumed every morning he does those pervy things. I have been right. For the past week on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, the days I don't have kendo practice… I watch him. But why? I always end up feeling bad and guilty. What am I doing? I'm so confused. _

… _I won't let this continue anymore. Lelouch's business, is Lelouch's business, not mine. So no more spying._

_02/17/2009 a.t.b._


	2. Chapter 2: Contact

**WARNING**

This chapter contains **shota.**

Journal #2

_I never noticed how much Lelouch esteems my father with such respect. Father is never home long enough, mostly leaving us in the care of the Shinozaki Family. But those rare times Lelouch has interacted with my father, he treats him with high regard. Not that my father gives him any reason not to._

_ At first all of us were cold to Lelouch and Nunnally. But thankfully to Nunnally, such a frail soul, we opened our hearts to both of them. _

_I think Dad pities them… I know I do._

_The other day, Dad called Lelouch into his studies. We were dead in the middle of our nightly dishes….._

_-Flashback-_

"Lelouch!" Prime Minister Kururugi roared in a commanding voice.

Half shocked, Lelouch dropped the plate into the suds instantly. His eyes widened. His heart beat with a loud 'thump'. It had sounded that he was in trouble of some sort. The prince snapped back to his senses.

Meanwhile Suzaku observed the happenings. Lelouch turned, not forgetting to dry his hands off first, and ran off towards Sir Kururugi. Suzaku followed after a minute of Lelouch's absence out of concern for the prince. He ran to his father's studies and leaned against the wall, back turned. He caught word of his father in mid-sentence.

"Is it fine that they stay at your headquarters until this little get together is over?"

Lelouch bowed his head, "Yes sir! Do as you will. I don't mind. You have already been so generous…"

Genbu laughed, "This is your house too now, son." He turned his chair and ruffled Lelouch's hair in the palm of his hand.

Lelouch teared up at the gesture but bit back. "Thank you, sir." He choked out, and turned to walk away.

Suzaku appeared from around the corner suddenly. Trying to divert the fact that he had been spying again he spat, "Lelouch no fair! I'm not washing all the dishes myself!"

The boys went back to the kitchen together. Lelouch rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve along the way.

"So what happened?"

"The Kyoto Houses are come over for a meeting."

"The five of them?"

"Yeah and the third house is staying in my and Nunnaly's living quarters."

The resumed washing the dishes.

"So where is Nunnally going to sleep?"

"The guest room."

"And you Lelouch? The guest room too?"

"No. I'm sleeping with you, silly."

"In my bed? Oh no, no, no, no, no. Not gonna happen!"

-Falshback End-

_It happened._

_As Lelouch lay besides me, I went over everything I had learned about him earlier in my head. Though he was right beside me, I couldn't stop thinking about him. _

_At the "little get together", Lelouch was very charismatic and charming. He smiled at my cousins and random ladies. He even smiled at the older ladies! Talk about embarrasing._

_Although the meeting was supposed to be business plan talk, somehow Lelouch's father came up. Lelouch blatantly expressed that he had no business with his father. How he thinks what he's doing is wrong. And, if given the chance, he would do anything to stop Emperor Charles. That being said, cousin Kaguya's father asked Lelouch if he knew what the emperor is planning. Lelouch sadly responded that he had no idea._

_Lelouch handled a conversation with adults easily. He looked so serious. He knew when to smile, when to look sad. From across the room with Nunnally, I watched as his facial expressions changed. He was a pro at all this, yet I felt no jealousy towards him. Maybe because him and I are strong in two different, opposite areas. We also come from polar upbringings. However, I'm sure together, we could accomplish anything. We could make each other's dreams come true. _

_Maybe I wasn't jealous because for the first time I realized, I liked Lelouch as a person. I really liked him._

_It felt good when his arm wrapped around me. It felt like he needed me. In that moment, I knew I would do anything for him. I knew he would do the same. I felt his face in my back, his warmth all around me. It felt weird him embracing me, but I didn't say anything to end it. I didn't want it to end._

-Flachback-

"Hey Lelouch, you're up right?"

Lelouch lifted his face up. "Yeah, I can't sleep."

Suzaku peeled Lelouch's arm off of him and turned around to face the Britannian prince, resting his weight on his left elbow. Their bodies touched and their faces were no more than four inches apart. For only a moment, Suzaku stared into Lelouch's moonlit, violet eyes. They inhaled the same air.

"….. Kaguya has a crush on you."

"No wonder she wanted to play hide and go seek so much. I really hadn't noticed. I'll have to let her down easy."

They laughed in unison.

"If you go home politically engaged to the daughter of the biggest weapons production company in Japan, I'm sure your father would accept you back with open arms."

"Yeah but, I don't care about my dad's affairs anymore."… "I don't care about him." Lelouch muttered. "Plus, I already like someone."

"What? You actually LIKE someone?" Suzaku giggled hysterically. He actually had to stop to catch his breath. "But you're only around me, Nunnally, and Sayoko most of the time."

"Not true! The other day I saw a Japanese girl getting bullied by these Britannian vacationer girls along the beachside. Once they recognized who I was, they stopped."

"What's her name?

"Chiari….but she's not the one I like."

"Geez! You're so complicated."

"You're the one that said I don't interact with people."

Suzaku shuffled around under the covers due to discomfort and went back to the exact same spot he was in. He felt like that was the most comfortable spot ever. He grabbed Lelouch's left wrist and placed Lelouch's arm around his own eleven body again. "Just go to sleep."

Suzaku closed his eyes thinking that Lelouch did the same. Lelouch did… at first. It was much more difficult than that. Lelouch's insomnia knew no bounds. The prince stared lifelessly into the face of his best friend. The moon was so big there, in Japan, where his friend and new family lived. Its light touched all corners of Suzaku's room. It was so pure. So pure as was Suzaku's face unguarded. What person would take the moon and stain it red with war? Charles Zi Britannia?

After ten minutes of still silence the prince's eyes finally fell. They began to hurt from tiredness. His body began to ache from weariness. He pulled Suzaku in closer than ever and Suzaku just adjusted to the movement. Lelouch was surprised that his best friend would even allow that much.

Ah, it felt good to finally settle down and sleep.

But deciding against his better judgment, Lelouch opened his eyes once again.

He inched closer towards Suzaku. He closed his eyes, this time not to sleep.

Soft, not smoldering, wet and caring was the kiss Lelouch planted upon the elevens lips. Not cheek- lips.

Lelouch immediately regretted it. If Lelouch never seen an angry face, he had saw one then. And if he had seen an angry face, none was angrier then Suzaku's.

Suzaku sat up abruptly. "What the..!?" he asked. Lelouch then sat up as well. "Why did you do that!?"

"Quiet down, I am sorry." Lelouch retorted nonchalantly. "Why did you kiss back?"

"Lelouch! - um- I don't know okay?" Suzaku choked out. He was beyond furious… and extrememly confused. Boys are not supposed to do…. _that_. He figured it was enough that he let Lelouch hold him while they slept to keep the bad dreams away. That's the only reason why. Suzaku felt he had to make it clear. "I like girls, Lelouch, g-i-r-l-s." Suzaku grabbed his covers pulling nearly 75% of it to his own side. He fluffed his pillow and plopped down in a rage.

Now, there was a fight.

Lelouch's heart was pricked, pride stricken. Suzaku had talked down to him as if he was an idiot! "I said I was sorry! For thinking- but now- You're just behaving like a jackass!"

Suzaku fumed. Lelouch in turn grabbed at the covers but only managed to return it to a fifty/ fifty. He faced the opposite direction.

"What are you trying to say? Y'know what? Never mind. Try that again and you're sleeping on the floor."

"I guess I am the stupid one for thinking…"

"Thinking what?"

"Nothing."

"Whatever."

Thirty minutes had passed. Everything finally began to quiet down. Suzaku kept wondering what Lelouch was thinking to have made the prince want to kiss him. That's not something boys should do. It's unethical, illogical and yet, why did his lips fit so perfectly as if the last piece to a puzzle? That sort of thing is wrong, right?

Lelouch regretted what he did immensely. But it wasn't a time to cry about it. He knew all too well how tears won't change the past. He knew that when he wakes up in the morning it would be as if nothing happened. Suzaku wouldn't be mad anymore and eventually the embarrassment would fade although the situation has left permanent scars.

Suzaku sat up. He palmed his forehead in his hand. "Lelouch?" Suzaku said.

"Yeah?"

"Sit up."

"Look I'm sorry." Lelouch sat upright he placed his right hand on Suzaku's left should. "I'm really, really sorry… Really"

"Shh." Suzaku sighed. He glared into Lelouch's eyes. "No, I'm sorry." Whispered Suzaku.

The held each other's eyes for a few, intense moments and finally Suzaku leaned in. Still thinking that the eleven didn't want it, for a split second, Lelouch pulled back but the next split second he let himself succumb.

It was innocent. Just a little peck, nothing too drastic. That one mutual peck sent a whirlwind of sensations coursing throughout one another's body. Their cushioned kiss lasted no longer than two seconds and made a wet smacking sound as they pulled back.

They lingered, half an inch away from kissing each other again. Suzaku started for his friend's lips again, leading Lelouch to start for Suzaku's lips again, however this time, they didn't kiss. Suzaku downed his head. He chuckled which in turn, Lelouch chuckled as well.

It wasn't that the thought of kissing each other was funny, only the happiness and relief buried beneath their hearts forced them to laugh. Relief from what? And now that Suzaku thought about it, it was the only time he'd seen Lelouch with so hearty of a smile – a genuine smile-.

Their laughter continued on for a minute or so. Lelouch gazed into the elevens eyes for confirmation. Suzaku replied with a simple head nod. Suzaku went for Lelouch's lips again. This time, it was open mouthed, deeper, and sloppy. Neither of them had experience in the matter no more than just seeing a couple kiss on TV or in public. They let instincts and each other's own individual flow guide them.

They departed for air for a second and returned for an even more intimate, passionate, wetter, _hotter_ kiss. Breathing was soon thrown out the window, the two inhaled and exhaled through their nose once things started heating up, making everything much noisier.

Suzaku place his right hand on the nape of Lelouch's neck to draw the prince in closer… if possible. Lelouch responded by making the most delicions noise Suzaku had ever heard.

Lelouch let his hand roam. His hands journied anywhere from the elevens barely forming abs, to his butt, his thighs. On Suzaku's upper, outer, right thigh Lelouch's left hand rubbed back and forth.

The prince didn't want the possibility to ruin his chances of further advancing by hastily advancing. He didn't want to go further than Suzaku, without Suzaku. However the heat rising between his legs wanted something more.

Suzaku drew back. He downed his head yet again with a broken and defeated look. As if he'd given up and became a slave to his carnality. He observed Lelouch's flustered expression. But Suzaku's look was one that was trying to decipher the cryptic situation and emotions pertaining to the matter. Lelouch embraced his friend all the while butterfly kissing the sensitive flesh between Suzaku's jaw line and lower ear to silently let him know that's it's ok.

Lost in the moment, Suzaku for a second bypassed his thoughts. He caressed Lelouch's neck sending a surge of energy all through the prince's body, mainly to his nether wrapped his arms around Suzaku and threw his head back.

"You like this?" Suzaku asked, no sensuality touching his voice.

"Yes." Said Lelouch in a clipped tone.

Lelouch shut his eyes tightly focusing only on the passionate gesture. He looked to the ceiling. His breath became more stagnant. Suzaku became more persistent.

Whatever that was started, awakened Suzaku to full throttle.

Lelouch, having realized this, attempted to peel Suzaku's body off.

"No more." Lelouch said in a whisper like whimper. "No…"

"… But."

"No."

Suzaku laid off after finally getting the picture. They conjoined foreheads.

"Go to sleep." Lelouch whispered. He abruptly slid off the bed to use the restroom.

After the first 15 minutes of the missing prince, Suzaku just decided to call it quits, he fell victim to slumber and awoke the next day with Lelouch snuggled comfortably beside him.

-Flashback end-

_I kissed Lelouch. _

_I have never felt so guilty. Two boys shouldn't do- those things. Every time I look at Nunnaly I wonder if it's obvious, if she's noticed the changes. I feel so wrong. But why did he want me to stop? I was wrong, yes, but every time I look into Lelouch's eyes, is see what I want most. _

_A future._

_I have been refraining, after a week of nothing, it was easy to put it all behind. Lelouch wasn't bringing it up either. He wasn't making advances. If anything he made sure to stay as far away as possible. I think its best we put this behind us. We must, to continue our friendship._

_04/08/2009_

**Thanks for reading guys hope you enjoyed it! Next chapter they will be 17! **


	3. Chapter 3 : More

**DISCLAIMER: Yaoi guys…. Yaoi. Nuff said :D**

* * *

More

After tonight, the chasing subsides.

Wall, corner, bed, floor, couch, restroom, etc. You name it, Lelouch and I have made out there.

My beautiful prince whom of which I cannot keep my hands off of.

Last night, or rather this morning, when I accidentally woke him up at 2a.m., we were all hands and tongues as usual. This time, I raised his shirt and I kissed his chest, then his naval, his pelvis, and then when I was about to monopolize him by mouth he stopped me.

"Let me do this."

"No." Lelouch pleaded. He had such a distraught look on face. One second we're skin close. The next second, we're this?

"What's wrong?"

"I keep thinking and... I meant to say this before but then you… you kiss me and…" His breathing is shallow. I have never seen Lelouch this, what is it, nervous? "I don't know..." He paused. "You don't know me anymore…" He sighed as if a big weight is let off of his shoulders.

When we were kids, right after we broke through our emotional and physical wall, we got separated. I know how he feels. But I want to _know_ all of him. Finger fucking him isn't cutting it anymore. I want to _feel_ it, but how can I tell him?

"We can't. Suzaku I hate feeling this way."

"What way?"

"Like," He pauses and a light red tint colors his cheeks, "I feel like my legs are going to fail me. I can't control it. And you have such a wonderful life now. I have nothing to offer you. I can't make you happy. I just can't and I know it…" He's shaking his head showing his disapproval.

I pondered what he meant. I came to the conclusion that he's hiding something from me. _Why?_ But even still, whatever secrets he's keeping from me, I don't care. Why can't he see that? "What are you telling me?"

"There are eligible women everywhere. And I want you to have a proper life. If we let this continue, what direction will it go? I have my ambitions and you have yours, and those ambitions flow in two separate directions." He frowns.

Then do I remember Euphy. I did research on her, Lelouch's stepsister. Yes, what a chance encounter to meet someone with the same thoughts, the same interests, the same likes. It was refreshing. Now that I think about it, even though I barely know her, I wouldn't go as far as to say Euphy and I are perfect for each other. I do like her, and if in a different situation, I think I could even love her. But Lelouch is the only one for me. I think about my new life at Ashford that is progressing, after that trial that wrongly accused me of Clovis's murder...

But even still, I take his hand and put it on my chest where my heart is. "Lelouch, I feel the same way. But I'm not going anywhere, even if you push me away. I am still going to be here. Because- because I-" I refrain. "I can't explain it."

_But I can_.

He looks up at me with in shock and, what looks like, worry. He has been looking worried this entire time. I hardly see this side of him. I like what I do to him.

I lean in for another kiss. I pause, his lips on mine. "And I want you… all of you. You understand?" I plant light-hearted kiss on his lips. I pull back and touch his nose with my own. "I don't want to hear any more talk of this… I don't mind staying in the closet with you." Success, he laughs.

He changes the subject. "But I don't even know how." He blushes a deep crimson.

"Me neither." I laugh. "Maybe we should do some research and try next week." I joke about the research part. But that morning we both went our ways with assignments.

"Suzaku!" Milly shouts, interrupting my arousing daydream. "Are you paying attention?"

"Yes that's why this equals 2xy." I reply and she's satisfied

Tonight.

I run up the stairs Sayoko and Nunnaly are gone…. Probably at Nunnaly's tutorials. My heart is pounding. I'm sweating, but at the same time, I am oh so aroused. _What if he doesn't want to? What if he does, then doesn't like me anymore. What if I hurt him?_ I question myself as I head to his room. Outside the door I ruffle my hair. _What will he be doing when I open the door?_ I am a wreck. And finally I knock and walk in, not waiting for response pertaining to if it's okay or not.

Lelouch is sitting at his desktop, he gazes sideways and makes rock solid eye contact with me. It looks like he was on video chat. _Video chatting who? _Still, that's besides the case. Lelouch is as a calm as ever. My emotions have become a riot in me and here he is… as cool as a cucumber. What will happen now? This is it!

He shuts down his computer, stands to his feet, and smiles.

"Hi." He walks to me.

"Hi" I respond. He holds his hand out. I take it.

He pulls me into an embrace and almost instantly our carnality takes over. His arms around my neck, mine around his waist. Our mouths meet. I'm not sure if our lips did. My tongue is invading his mouth, and vice-versa. He moans into our –er… kiss? My hands are feeling every crevice my eyes did not see. Desire, I desire him. I slam my best friend into the wall, he groans as he hits it and reaches for the hem of my shirt. I quickly pull the drawstring for the curtain to my left, now the room is shaded and cooler. I stare downward pressing my pelvis into his. His erection grazes mine while he finally gets my shirt up. I raise my arms and he pulls it up off my head and throws it.

"Are you a virgin?" I whisper. This question has been at the back of my mind for forever. We kiss. Lelouch's lips are so soft. I nibble his bottom one.

"Mnh- yes." He hisses.

Shock. I remember him being more 'advanced' than me when we were younger.

I am kissing his neck now. He tilts his head to the left allowing me easier access. Besides for us, the room is quiet. Were all breaths now, Him even more so. You can hear our skin rubbing against one another's making dry noise. I make quick work of his shirt.

"Are you gay?" I ask. We take a break. I press my forehead into his and our noses touch.

"No." He responds.

So he does like girls.

"And you?" He asks

"No."

"No you're not a virgin, or no you're not gay?"

"No I'm not a virgin, and no I'm not gay."

"Oh." He says with indifference. "Are you sexually active now?"

"No… well only with you." I smile.

"Good." He says sharply." "How long has it been?"

"I was one week into 15 when I lost my virginity I last had sex nine months into my fifteenth year."

He starts to undo my pants.

"Do you like sex with girls?"

I grin. "Do I…? I loved it." I say matter of factly. I love how I can be honest with Lelouch and him not overreact. "But I've never been more turned on as I am now. I'm so-" I pause, searching for the words. "I am so attracted to you." We gaze into one another's eyes. I know he is doubtful, but can he at least see the sincerity? "Come lets go to bed."

I lead him, urging him to sit down first and he does. I stand between his legs. He caresses my pelvis. His hands roam my body. His hands first search the inside of my pants, they're at my side, on my waist, and then travels back to my lower back. Feeling me as if he's blind, slowly, tantalizing. He goes to my butt and gives it a little squeeze. It sends a jolt to my erection that's at his throat. I love how we easily trade places. But in the end I know what he wants. I know he wants me to dominate him. In public he's this strong, confident persona. But in private I know he wants to be possessed. I want to give him what he wants

He pulls at my pants and slides them off of me. Lelouch gazes up at me and then at my erection as if he's never seen one before. It is _so_ close to his mouth. On his face for a few brief moments I sense insecurities. He's observing my length. He grabs me with his right hand and trails kisses from the base to the tip so slowly. His lips are cool in comparison.

I feel as if I don't do something, I will explode. He can suck me later. What I crave most is to be inside him.

With my thumb and index I grasp his chin and tilt his head up to look at me- and wow.

Apprehensive Lelouch.

I have never seen this face before. _Maybe we should stop?_ I wonder. However, before I know it, my lips are at his.

He puts his hands on either sides of my face and lies down on the bed, bringing me with him. I stare into his violet eyes searching for an answer.

"Do you want this?" I ask.

"Yes."

I have to hear it. "You want me inside you?"

"Please."

My eyes widen with lust. A word has never sounded as good as the way Lelouch said it.

"I will stop. If it is too much, let me know." _But please don't tell me to stop._

"My pocket." He says.

I retrieve the item. It's a bottle of strawberry lubrication.

"Use an ample amount… on me, on you."

"I know."

I'm on top of him. I rest my weight on my elbows not breaking the eye contact we had ever since the retrieval of the lubrication.

I crawl backwards, kneeling, sitting back on my legs. I undo his jeans and slide them off. _Hmm no boxers._ He springs up. I gaze at him, gloriously naked and beautiful and wanting me. _He is hard for me_. I observe his length. It's a good size and pale. I am I little bigger than him but he is a little thicker. Either way it goes, were both above the average size. Surprising, I thought he'd be small. '

"Haha." I laugh and Lelouch blushes.

"What is so funny!?" His voice raises an octave or two.

"Nothing, I'm just glad I am putting it into you instead of the other way around." I say seductively and honestly. "You're beautiful." He flushes even more crimson than before.

I lean down once again resting my weight on my elbows. I rub my face into his hotspot- his neck.

"You are so beautiful." I whisper.

He gasps when I sink my teeth into the base of his neck. Lelouch wraps his arms and legs around me. He pushes himself into my bite and grinds his hips into mine.

"Oh, Suzaku!" He calls.

I make light suction before I release him, ridding any saliva I might have left. His skin is pink where I bit down.

I nip at his inner thighs, close to the apex. Lelouch calls out my name constantly, each time with more need and helplessness.

I slowly sit up and grab the lube. I squeeze some into my hands. I start to rub my length with it. I am so turned on at Lelouch being turned on. He sits up on his elbows. Lelouch opens his mouth ever so slightly and is panting through his teeth while gazing into my eyes. I see a violet wildfire in his.

I decide it is enough pleasing myself for now.

I get another glob, this time onto my index finger tip.

"Spread." I say simply.

He complies. Now I see him, sprawled out beneath me in such a revealing position, with that look on his face. I bite my lip to keep from wanting to take him without any preparation.

He tilts his head back. "Suzaku, now." He's disappointed with my leisurely pace.

The lube on my index, I rub on the outside, on his rim only. No penetration. He's watching me every step of the way.

I retrieve some more on my index. I make haste.

I start from the bottom of his anus then, slowly, I insert my finger. He gasps on arrival. My finger is no past the cuticle on my nail. I hold it in place for a few seconds. Lelouch is tight. I push onward, my finger easing inside him. He calls out through gritted teeth. Soon my finger is at the hilt. I hold it in place again. I move inside him at a relatively steady pace.

After a minute or so, I add another. After another minute or so I add another, beating our last record of two fingers. I decide it is enough.

I kneel once again in-between his legs. I position my length at his entrance.

"Ready?" I look down and he nods with _that_ look.

I push forward and sink into him.

Oh my.

Next thing I know, Lelouch is yelling nonsense to the heavens. I rest my forehead against his. This has to be the best feeling in the entire world. I am still letting him get used to my invasion. But even still he tightens around my erection. Every time Lelouch is audible, I feel the reverb down there… the wonderful vibrations.

"Okay?"

Teary-eyed, he nods for me to continue.

I slide down and Lelouch shrieks. Oh yes. I relentlessly thrust upward once.

"Suzaku!"

"Again?"

He nods yes.

I thrust once again. My cock feels so…fucking… good. I squeeze my eyes shut at this surreal moment. Lu is moaning and writhing in either pleasure or pain or both. I pray it's not pain. I pray that it is pleasure even though it probably isn't as intense as the pleasure I'm feeling.

"Again?" I ask. Another head nod yes.

This time I thrust and I don't stop. I go at slow pace. Grateful that's it's difficult to move inside him because I'm sure if his hole allowed me to slip in and out of him like water, I would lose all control.

He's screaming beneath me. His fingernails are digging into my back. All I hear is vulgarities, our raged breathing, and my name- repeatedly. But to find out Lelouch is vulgar and is a screamer is to my surprise.

Each thrust feels as if I'm either cumming or about to. Does he know what he does to me? The way he moves beneath me. The way his hips meet my every thrust. I'm going at a rather slow place and I'm closing my eyes too. All this so I can feel every tiny bit of sensation he gives me.

I plunge. ""Mine."

"Ÿessssss, oh God yes!"

That sends me over the edge. My first climax is too intense. The sensation goes all the way to my toes as I huff and puff. I pull out of him swiftly and cum on his bed sheets. He lets out a high-pitched sigh as I make my exit.

That was quick.

Lelouch gazes at me wide eyed. He, for once, is not able to figure out what's going to happen next. I give him a close mouthed kiss and then an open-mouthed one. What a sloppy french kiss it is. Saliva oozes out of the corner of his mouth.

"I'm not done with you yet." I threaten. My dick is still erect. I am so insatiable at this moment. I reach for his arms and I pin them above his head. I slide my hands upward and make sure that our fingers intertwine. I stare into his eyes, him into mine at pointblank range.

"I want to see you this time."

I didn't think it was possible for him to get any redder, but he did. He smiles meekly. Lelouch never ceases to amaze me. I release his right hand.

I have never seen him so undone, so out of control. And I have never had so much control with him as I do now.

"Hold it in place." I say simply and he understands. He grabs my cock and aligns it with his entrance. I move forward slightly so that only the head is in. I intertwine our free hands once more again above his head and I plunge the deepest, most penetetrating…

Each thrust I try to make deeper to beat the last one, and make him call out louder, and also to temp him to close his eyes. I succeed in all three.

I stop abruptly. "Open' I warn and his lids fly up. So I continue.

He is so beautiful that I almost start to question is this even happening. But then his legs shake, and he calls my name in a way to make it sound like music to my ears.

It is real. I'm making love to my best friend… I think. Then I wonder if it's making love to him rather than fucking.

I start babbling like an idiot. It came so natural and I couldn't control it. I didn't think it would happen like this but I lower and I repeat "Ï love you, I love you," These words are spilling out of my mouth it starts sounding like a chant. He tightens the grip and squeezes my hand. I pound into him each time saying those three words. He moans and whimpers all the while.

I abruptly sit up and stare down at him and oh my, he is actually crying…or is it me imagining that clear fluid running from his eyes?

For some reason, I associate it with sadness. I grab hold of his cock and I jerk him off so that he doesn't have to feel any sadness. He lets out a moan that sounds as if he is relieved.

I'm pounding into, and masturbating him at the same time.

His cock hardens to its max in my hand. He's on the verge.

"Let me see you." I breathe as I bend down. I rake my left hand fingers through the fringe of his hair and pull back so that his head lifts upward and his eyes are staring directly into mine.

I _have_ to see this face. I can feel myself approaching my second orgasms. It is only because he's approaching that I am as well. Lelouch turns me on so much. I _have_ to see his face when I cum. He has to know it's me that's making him do so.

"Oh, Suzaku..." His squints his eyes and cum spurts out of his cock. I continue jerking him off. While he orgasms, he thrusts he pelvis into my fist and his hole tightens comfortably around my cock. He is whimpering and twisting. His body is spasming out of control and he forgets to breath. With his free hand he tries to claw at my back but all I receive is light pressure from the pads of his fingertips. Lifelessly his arm then falls beside him. He releases a husky, breathy moan and goes limp all over.

Turned on by his sensuality I reach the top again. My head spins and all I see is lights. I gasp loudly and I empty myself into him, stilling as I do.

When I let out all that I can, I thrust once more and collapse on top of Lelouch.

He winces as I pull out. I roll over to the side of him on my back. All I hear is his and my breath.

"That… was… amazing." I start to laugh. I look over and see Lelouch smiling warmly at me in response. _It was amazing._

I curl up to Lelouch in the fetal position. I rest my head on his chest while my left arm is wrapped around him.

A few minutes pass and our breathing is as calm as lakefront waters.

We sit in silence for a while. But I know he's Lelouch again- satiated, but still, Lelouch.

"That was- I can't believe…." He says finally.

I roll over and press my lips to his temples. "I can go again." I laugh. It's true… Even in this semi-limp state. I'm pretty sure Lelouch could find a way to get me hard again. "So did it hurt? On a scale from one to ten?"

"Hmmm… 7."

"Öh, that much…?" He senses my disappointment.

"But when you jerked me off, and I came…That was _the most_ intense climax. That was the epitome of orgasms. It more than made up for the pain." He puts emphasis on the words, 'the most'.

_What is wrong with me_? I'm getting hard again at hearing him describe his orgasm. I guess when you've wanted something so badly for so many years and you finally get it, you overdose on it. And also because I know after tonight I will be booked piloting the Lancelot.

In the next hour or so we talk, we laugh, we try to go to sleep again, we fail. I don't tell him about my new friend, his stepsister, Euphy. And even though Cecile said it was somewhat supposed to be a secret, I tell him about the Lancelot hoping it can bring him out of whatever shell he is in. We talk about Zero. We talk about ourselves and what we would do if we lived in a better world. If only…

And, after that... Well, we made love twice again… yet, I still wanted more.

* * *

**Welp, there it goes! ****I realized from watching the show that there is so many masks that Lelouch wears. Not just Zero. I decided to make him wear one more that only Suzaku sees. Just like he has one that only Nunnaly sees.**

**Again as I said in an earlier chapter I am trying to make this series as realistic as possible! I couldn't give a date because the timeline isn't very specific. But this takes place after "The Stolen mask"but before "Attack Cornelia"(the 6th & 7th episode)**

**I hope you all enjoyed.**

**So how did I do? :D Be honest! Criticism welcomed.**

**-mimi**


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